Black and white can reveal so much...

"Black and white creates a strange dreamscape that color never can,"

Jack Antonoff

It's quite interesting the changes that occur when you remove the color from a picture or change the saturation, or even shift a little over in one direction or another.

Sometimes removing distractions such as color or surrounding objects really helps a person to hone in on something specific and gain a keen sense of clarity like never before.

I have enjoyed taking pictures for quite some time; however I've just really begun to play around with light and shadow and angles only recently. There is such a profound sense of character and story in a photograph--especially a black and white one. The amount of depth and richness in the velvety black crevices of the center tree juxtaposed against the pale bark of the tree in front of it is all the more emphasized in a black and white photo.

Life is a bit like that sometimes. We are surrounded by the colors of so many distractions, events, activities, people, plans, bills, chores, responsibilities, goals, etc. etc. that we lose track of the true picture--the essence, if you will, of our lives.

I have long been fascinated with trees--and those of you who have been reading my posts know this quite well. There is so much beauty and history and character in a tree--from the direction it grows to the hollows inside to the patterns of the bark and the shape of the leaves. The deep gashes and scars of this tree stand out so much more poignantly in black and white and grey--in the color version of this picture the markings are camouflaged beneath the vibrant green leaves and the greyish-brown bark.

We have a tendency to hide our true selves behind a myriad of things: makeup, clothes, hobbies, loud behaviors, careers, other people, religion, things, the list goes on and on. We camouflage ourselves in this way, so that those deep crevices and fibers of our being are hidden away from those around us. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we cover ourselves up so shamefully?

"When you photograph people in color, you photograph their clothes.

But when you photograph people in black and white, you photograph their souls."

Ted Grant

I am working on stripping away all the colorful distractions--not to rid myself of the beauty of a sunset, or spring flowers, or fall leaves and rainbows--but to really take a look at myself for who I am. What is in my soul.

I asked myself the other day, what am I most proud of?

Up until this point in my life I would have shrugged and said, “I’m not sure.”

I sit at my desk at 1:30 in the morning and ponder...

I would have to say,

My boys. My tender, kind hearted and fun loving boys.

My wise and sensitive and deep Graham.

My passionate and expressive and blunt Duncan.

I am also proud of myself—for enduring and facing things I never thought I’d be able to.

This new career I have embarked on—has opened my eyes in many ways. I am only 2000 calls deep and have just been released to take calls independently, and I have encountered a myriad of situations, personalities, temperaments, and hardships that others encounter daily. It has brought into my life a little more perspective...

I take calls from people who are at their most desperate, most frightened, most angry, and even their darkest moments. I also take calls from people who care and people who report strangers who look like they may need help, or accidents they have witnessed that they want to make sure help responds to. It has bolstered my belief that there is still “good worth fighting for.”

I am proud that I am finally making my way—creating my path with purpose and not just working through with my head down guessing that this is all I’m meant for. I purposefully choose what I do now rather than falling victim to whatever is happening around me.

I have always been a responder and a caretaker and thought that was all I was meant to do and be. There is so much more to life than this!

I am challenging myself to create and accomplish goals. To do the things I’ve secretly always wanted to do but have set aside because I put others ahead of me or out of fear of judgement.

I think purposeful thinking and positive thinking are imperative in moving forward and not hiding behind the colorful distractions of life. It’s so easy to get trapped in a mindset of feeling stuck and like you were dealt a bad hand. It is also easy to feel ashamed and fearful of what others will think of the scars you wear if they look too closely. Fact: there is always someone out there who has it worse than you. We all experience shame and want to hide our flaws to some extent. It is import to look at yourself--the black and white and grey version of yourself, and set goals that for your life that correlate to your soul.

I have jotted some personal goals below, and I truly hope I am able to check them all off one day!

Kick bad habits

Live a healthier lifestyle for my kids

Make my kids a priority

Hike the AT

Travel to another country

Take as many pictures as I want

Write a book

Draw

Skydive

Cave dive

Get a sleeve tattoo

Buy/build a tiny house in the mountains

Become FI (financially independent)

Live a minimal lifestyle

Be kind to others

Love deeply and give without regret

Embrace myself and live life as fully as possible

I am proud of these goals. They are what I truly want. For myself. Regardless of the people in my life around me. I choose to stop pleasing everyone else and start living with purpose—for my kids and myself and for God.

What are YOU most proud of? Are you allowing yourself to live in a way that does not hide behind the distractions of life? I would love to hear your thoughts!