Choose.

Choose.

It will never be easy.

There will always be consequences.

I spent a vast majority of my life trying to keep the peace and not offend anybody.

I choose not to do that any longer.

I choose to stand up for what I believe in. I choose to pursue what is RIGHT for my boys and my life.

There is ONE thing in this life that we have folks, and that is the ability to CHOOSE. There are hundreds of things in life we don't get to choose: where and when we are born, the family we are born to, the choices that others make and the circumstances we endure throughout life.

We do however get to choose for ourselves: what we say, how we act and react, our beliefs, our goals and actions.

I struggle and worry about what other people think of me. Their opinions and how my actions look to other people have driven a lot of my decisions. This misleading way of thinking creates a victim mentality. One where I am compelled to take action based on others (perceptions that may be completely inaccurate) then I end up shortchanging myself and deceiving myself into thinking others made me do something--which is completely false. I do not want to live this way any longer. I have learned the hard way that regardless of what I may do and my intentions behind it, others will still do what they want to in the end.

It is empowering to have this epiphany. To realize that I get a choice and to actively say to myself, "I choose _______." This makes all the difference now in how I approach situations and make decisions!

So today I ruffled some feathers. I said some things that made someone lose "respect" for me. This person felt personally attacked and betrayed by my honesty. This person does not understand that he cannot control what I say and how I think. He assumes his reaction to my words will change my demeanor. In past circumstances I would have stumbled over myself trying to apologize and make things right. I did not apologize. I am allowed to speak my mind. I chose in this situation to do so. Being honest is hard sometimes. Holding my tongue and allowing my silence to be a way of agreeing (although I did not) is hard. I chose my hard.

I have spent so much of my life living by this strict code that I created based on other people's opinions and my own perceptions in life. I have always been a rule follower and believed that unless I am suffering or sacrificing in some way that it isn't the "christian" thing to do.

In doing this I have restricted myself from being ME. I have prevented myself from being the authentic being God created me to be and I have imprisoned myself in a very fallible set of rules that were self inflicted. God created us all and loves us all. He knows our choices and thoughts before we even have them. He wants a relationship with us and wants a true one, not a pretend one we "sacrifice" to Him.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about me, or an opinion of what I should or should not do. Opinions are common, based on others' ideas, experiences and perceptions, and not necessarily true. They are not always meant to be helpful, though some offer advice with that intention. Some advice contains hidden agendas, and some ignorance. I have to consider the source and intent, as well as the outcome. I have been told that "other people's perceptions of me are none of my business." Touché. Armed with this information and the power to choose, I can move forward with less guilt and more confidence.

I am not desperate. Nor am I delusional. I am not writing what I think everyone wants to hear me say, nor am I asking that you approve of what I write.

You choose what to spend your time on, and if you happen to choose my blog--I hope it blesses you in some small way. If not, it's fine. I do not write for you, I write for me. I write as an outlet for my feelings, I write to practice writing, and I write because I want to.

How I have spent my time in the past and how I choose to spend my time now are still up to me. This has not changed, nor is it going to. Instead of feeling like a victim of other people's choices, I am going to embrace my ability to choose.

Sometimes I will choose to do the selfless thing--and it will be my CHOICE. I will not say to myself, "I felt like I HAD to do such and such." That takes away any sincerity in my act of kindness, and corrupts it. Sometimes I will choose to say "no." And that will be okay too. Because it is MY choice.

So. Today before you make any decisions, preface them by saying, "I am choosing _____." See if it doesn't make a positive difference in your perspective!