Hiking in the woods of...my mind

Today I went on a 7 mile hike by myself. There were a myriad of feelings going through my mind as I embarked on this mini journey: excitement, nervousness, and an overwhelming sense of freedom. I had a backpack with the essentials: a sausage mcmuffin with egg (in case I got hungry), my purse with my identification and keys, my favorite lip balm, and about 40 ounces of water. Of course I had my phone and I also let someone know where I was, and I also had my trustee hiking stick--which we will discuss in more detail later.

I parked at 10:15am after a tumultuous morning, and started strong with lots of energy and hope. It was in the upper 70s and in the shade the air felt cool and refreshing. I wasn't completely confident in the direction I was going, as I had only had a handful of experiences on this trail; however I was up for an adventure and did not care where I ended up. The first leg of the trail had some moderate hills that I had to climb. With my hiking stick I was able to complete those with ease. I sang some songs of praise to the Lord as I walked, knowing if anyone heard me they would probably think I was crazy, and then my mind began to wander. Being alone for the first time in awhile triggered a lot of heavy thoughts and emotions. I believe I spent the first hour weeping. I cried over hurts from over 25 years ago. Hurts from my first serious relationship while in my teens, and hurts from emotional and sexual abuse. Hurts from my family, from my father's murder/suicide, from my marriage. The more I walked and reflected, the more I felt I began to heal.

As the pain started to recede, I started to notice the cool breeze, the sounds of crickets and cicadas and birds, and the trees all around me. God spoke to me during this hike and the conversation was lively and meaningful. As I walked I began to notice that I was surrounded by both death and life. In the midst of the decay and rot of trees, new life had sprung forth.

I observed how the algae and new sprouts grew from the stumps of trees left behind. I began to notice that there was a huge symphony of both life and death existing in harmony with one another. For every fallen tree there were dozens of new sprouts growing, and for all the trees that were thriving, there were holes and crevices that provided homes for woodland creatures.

Upon further reflection, I started to ponder each tree's story. What caused the tree on the right to have to be cut to a stump? I also found a number of trees that were fallen and one that looked like it was burned from the inside and had been struck by lightening.

It reminded me that if trees have stories to tell--the millions of them that exist, then how much more do humans? We each have our own unique stories. We each have lived a life separate from those around us. As I walked in the woods it occurred to me that I wanted to know the lives of each tree around me. Why they grew the way they did, why some were cut down, and why some were carved into.

I admired this tree to my left and wondered if lightening had struck it and split it down to its roots. I thought about the pain and endurance it experienced and the beauty left behind for me to look at and admire.

The damage was on display for anyone to see. When I looked at it my first thought was not, "Oh! It is so damaged!" but rather, "Wow. Look how much this tree has endured. I wonder how tall it was before...?"

I continued on my journey and the Lord continued to speak to me and reveal connections from His marvelous natural world to my own.

As I continued on my hike I contemplated the path before me. There were areas that were smooth, steep, rocky, narrow, some wet from previous storms, and others dry. This reminded me of the path of life. During our life's journey we do not know where its path will lead us. Sometimes it is smooth, and other times it is rough or steep or seems impossible. There are paths that lead away from where we want to go and those that lead towards it. There are paths that end abruptly and those that continue endlessly. I knew my current physical path would end after several miles so I did not stress over this fact. In reality, everyone's life paths will end the same. We will all die. I believe that life will end the same for every human, and that there is more to our lives than our birth and death, but what is in between--our journey is what makes us unique.

I took a brief break and stopped at a lake. I have to say that without the break I would have felt even more exhausted. At this point it was my third break and I was approximately 4 miles in. I drank some water, read from Proverbs, and watched a dog drink water from the lake. I also had some nibbles from my snack--but that isn't really too important!

I think one of the things that spoke to me the most during my hike was the importance of my hiking stick. Over and over again I walked with full appreciation of its functionality and helpfulness. I was able to move more efficiently and with less pain.

I was strongly reminded of the parallel between my hiking stick and Jesus. Both are for leaning on when times get rough; when using a hiking stick a person extends it ahead of her self and then the stick helps one to get THROUGH a rough/steep patch of land (it won't do the work for you) and I was also able to use my stick for balance, swinging off annoying insects, and knee pain. No matter what, I was able to rely on my hiking stick to help me get through some of the roughest terrains. It was such a reminder to me of how we should rely on Christ through our journey of life that I have to say that my hiking stick was probably the most significant and inspiring tool that I brought with me.

Another thing that I thought was relevant during my journey was the importance of taking breaks. If I worked strenuously to move uphill with my stick and did not slow down or take a brief break for water or to catch my breath, then the next incline--whether steep or smaller--would be even more difficult for me to take on. This is so relevant to our life-- the importance of taking time to recharge and regain our strength so we are replenished enough to continue on our journey. There is no need to rush through our journey.

I am going to digress for a moment and talk about friendship. I saw an image while on my walk of a leaning tree being upheld by the surrounding trees. This made me smile and send up words of thanks for the friends I have made during this journey. These past few months have been some of the darkest in my life. I have seldom relied on anyone as much as I have the friends walking this same journey with me. They have held me up and supported me with no expectation of gain. We have shared tears and encouragement and pain and sadness. My hope is that before long our stories of pain will be replaced with laughter and a creation of new and fond memories we create together.

It is interesting the difference between walking alone and walking with someone. For the most part, my friend and I have walked these trails and generally the time has passed easily as we have talked through our experiences. In classic Megan fashion, I have seen a parallel in walking with someone as opposed to alone. When walking with my friend I noticed that we kept a steadier pace. I tend to get distracted and slow down or speed up depending on what I am thinking about or what my goals are. When walking with a friend, it is more about the journey--not so much the destination--and yet we help each other keep going and inadvertently push each other to walk more consistently. There are seasons in our lives where it is important to have a friend walking alongside us, and then there are times when it is necessary to walk alone for awhile. Suffice it to say, I would not have this blog post if I had not taken the initiative to head out on my own. It has been rewarding and enlightening in many ways. I am always delighted in the small insights God gives me.

Last but not least, this beautiful, strange tumor tree--was the ONE indicator that my journey was complete and that I needed to take a turn onto the next path to get back to my car. What I took from it was that sometimes the things that stand out the most can give you the best directions to your life's path.

In spite of the abnormality and pain that this tree has experienced, it has helped guide myself as well as numerous others in the right direction. Upon further investigation, I learned that tree tumors are called burls and form from distress that a tree has endured from mold, insect infestation, injury, virus or fungus. Interestingly enough, artists and wood craftsmen seek out these tumors because the grain of the wood is considered rare and beautiful. It is yet another wonder from God showing us the beautiful results that can come from our struggles and inner pain!

By the end of my 3 1/2 hour journey my heart was so full! Full of lessons and similes and metaphors! Full of reminders of the beauty of God's creation! Full of messages of His love and grace!

I was able to leave this park with purpose, determination, and hope for my future. I urge you to take some time to walk a trail--hike a path--appreciate the nature around you. It will bless you and may even teach you something!