"I think, therefore I am."

This quote, from Rene Descartes, has been on my mind the past couple of days. I have seen my mood change and my mind change from angry to sad to content and I wonder about it. Of course, if you have been following me at all, you will know that a lot of my thinking happens on the trail! I have been hiking 7 miles several times per week and it is my sanity, my therapy, and my peace amidst the craziness of my life.

Lately, every time I walk this trail I pick up a rock or stone along the way. I have dubbed them my "milestones," and looking over them I see my state of mind in each choice I made when picking a certain stone up. The first stone I picked out was just one that caught my eye; it had a bit of sparkle to it and made me smile. It reflected the peace and happiness I felt when out in nature!

The second stone I picked up I wanted to have character--to look different and stand out in some way. I was in a place where I was facing growth and change and really beginning to see the importance of my time of solace in the woods. It was dirty and I had to kind of dig it out of the ground. It had veins of orange, white, and clear with some sparkle in it as well and I enjoyed the rough bumpiness of it with the refined beauty inside.

The third stone I picked up yesterday. I was feeling small--misunderstood and insignificant. I picked the smallest rock I could find. And then I took hold of all the frustration and anger I was feeling and ran. I ran as long and as fast and as hard as I could until I could go no further. It felt amazing! I was able to cry, run, yell, and chat--with the woods (my tribe), and with God. I felt that I was heard, and received such peace afterwards.

I believe I had some moments of clarity after that, and though exhausted from running, I finished my walk and went home in a better place. Today when I walked, I went with a friend and let the first rock that caught my eye be what I picked up.

It happened to be smallish, but clean and white and it looked like a crystal of sorts. I believe it represented the clarity of where I was at the time. I don't necessarily have rocks for each time that I have completed this trail, but at least from the past couple of weeks I do, and will continue to pick one up--a testimony of where I am in my life, and of the 7 miles I have accomplished walking.

I believe that I have reconnected with God through my walks in nature, and I make sure to pay attention to all the wonders He shows me, whether it is a squirrel with a mushroom in its mouth, or a single branch with red leaves ready for fall! A tree stump with a "head" full of hair, or tiny baby frogs hopping about! There is so much life that happens all around us! When I take the time to stop and appreciate the small things around me, it helps me to do the same in my own life.

I believe that armed with those positive observations, it is easier to see the positive in my circumstances. And when I am thinking positively, then I AM more positive; hence the opening quote by Descartes. The conjecture is that, when in an identity crisis or a position of serious doubt, the reality of what you think and the consciousness of your mind helps to bring you back and give your identity weight. So if you are thinking that you are small, then you will feel small and then act small.

So hold those thoughts captive! Leave yourself open to see the small positive things, and take notice of your thoughts and how they affect who you are at that moment in time! Make those connections and switch your thoughts up! You are in control of your thoughts and where they take you and who you become!