Innate Negativity?

It is inherent within us as humans to be negative. We focus on the negative, we generally assume the worst possible scenarios in any given situation, and think the worst of ourselves as a result. It seems pessimism is a natural state of mind and even when good things happen we immediately wonder what bad thing will happen next—as though we are undeserving of happiness and goodness to exist over an extended period of time. It is a dark cloud that hangs over us and prevents us from taking chances or being hopeful. It is suspicious, doubtful, anxious and exhausting! It robs us from feeling joy and causes us to wonder when the other shoe will drop.

As a child I came up with a theory regarding the kind of day I would have based on my subconscious thoughts about this very idea. So, if I had a bad day as a child I would immediately think I should have a good day coming to balance it out! Or, if I had a great day then I just knew the next day would be a bad day. If I had two bad days in a row, then I was bound to have a good day next! I wish I had kept a tally of this to see exactly how accurate my theory was, but I know as an adult this was a wishful way of thinking and rarely does life follow a set formula.

That mentality has lingered in the back of my mind and will sometimes sneak out and wreak havoc on my mood! The key to breaking from our own negative mindset is to be more positive, right?

Positivity is more of a skill, and it takes effort and practice to overcome negativity. It takes discipline to hold a negative thought captive and replace it with a new, positive thought. Re-framing my thoughts has currently proven to be one of the greatest challenges ever! I have to remind myself constantly that what other people think isn’t my business! So I should not worry about it or try to guess what others are thinking. And that I get to choose how I let things affect me. Ultimately my mindset is up to me. So, I choose gratitude and to be positive. Does it always work? Not even close! It does make a difference though!

For example, as a teacher of 20 years, I had to train myself to rephrase how I addressed my students. Instead of calling out, “Stop running!” I made a conscious effort to say, “Use walking feet!” One uses negative language and the other gives a more positive directive. One has a harsher tone and the other a tone that is more cautious and caring. It’s interesting to me—just try it! Say aloud, “Stop running!” And then say aloud, “Use walking feet!” Can you hear and feel the difference in those two phrases?

In the same way, we can re-frame our negative thoughts. It has to be done repeatedly though, for it to become a habit. Practicing daily words of affirmation can help! For example, I remind myself that I am strong. I am independent. I am a child of God. I am loved. I am a mother and a friend and a writer. I am enough as I am. I CAN. I WILL. I DO.

Another thing that can help combat negative thoughts is thankfulness. Take time each day to write or verbalize things you are thankful for. It is a good practice and really helps with awareness and positive thinking. I try to name three different things each day that I am thankful for! I choose both small and big things: the sounds my youngest son makes when he eats something crunchy or the way my eldest son snorts as he laughs when I tickle him.

When you do these things not only are you taking time to reflect and dwell on the good in your life, you are taking care of your emotional well being. This is an important facet of self care, which is an entire topic all its own, I don’t dare delve into that right now!

Suffice it to say, we could ALL benefit from less negativity and more positivity! Take time to notice the small things, build yourself up in a positive way, be thankful, and rephrase those negative thoughts that sneak up on you!