Know Thyself.

“Know Thyself”—Socrates

In the busyness of life, it is easy to forget the importance of knowing who we are, what we are about, and seeking the underlying reasoning for our actions.

For many of us, including myself, the day is a series of rote actions: wake up, make coffee, get kids together, drive them about, get to work, work, pick up kids, cook, clean, get kids to bed, get self to bed. Wake up, do it all over again. The weekends are no different in terms of how much needs to be done—whether it be paying bills, picking up groceries, cleaning and doing laundry, and getting prepared for the next week.

There is no uniqueness in this. Regardless of how much money we make, or how zany our personality, it still boils down to a mundane repetitiveness that can drown out our identities.

Throughout the pandemic I have had to maintain some sanity, and generally it has been in the form of communicating with other adults. Communication has been in the form of texting, face time, and zoom. It has been great; however, there are many times when I am busy working and yet alone in my thoughts. I have been trying to figure myself out, and truly learn who I am and embrace it for better or worse.

I have done much self-reflection and am trying to get back to my roots. Who was I before I was married? What have I learned since then, and how have I grown? What experiences have deeply affected me and how? Who am I presently?

After some experimentation with personality tests, astrology, and numerous other things that tout knowing who I am based on when I was born or basic traits, I have learned a great deal. It is astounding the accuracy with which most all have been! It does not matter if it’s learning my Love Language, about my sign (Virgo), or even my Enneagram (2W1)—they have all consistently been able to point out my strengths and shortcomings. The funny thing is, I inherently KNOW all these things about myself. If anything, they are each a confirmation of who I think I am and I am taunted to take this knowledge (though hardly newfound) and step back and look at my life, my choices, and what I am going to do with it.

I began this post thinking I was going to write about the Power of Perception, and the more I have contemplated this the more it seemed I needed to explore this journey I am taking of self-discovery. The power of perception will be up soon. For now I will leave anyone here still reading some interesting information about my “discoveries.”

A recent search of my enneagram produced a result that basically called me a masochist. I am indeed a glutton for punishment, and it was meant to be humorous—which I laughed at heartily in response.

The kernel of truth embedded in it though, is that in my attempt at being a kind and thoughtful person I tend to depend on drawing my self-worth from it. It offered a solution, “Start developing yourself and find happiness within. Be charitable from excess—NOT as an identity substitute.”

According to both Chinese and Greek Astrology, I am creative, loyal, hardworking and would be great working in any job involving care taking. This sounds positive and accurate, and yet—the dark side to that is I also have a need for validation and tend to be insecure—I tend to NEED to be NEEDED—in work and relationships. Ah. Codependency.

The invisible death of self.

These results seem to point me in the same direction—that there are limitations to all the positive I am capable of—and it all begins with my perception.

Ah, the power of perception!

I can’t wait to delve into this topic!

Until next time, my friends.

Keep pondering, keep imagining, keep meandering!