To Speak or Not to Speak...

Sometimes you just don't know what to say.

Sometimes there are no words to define what is inside your heart.

Words can be powerful in so many ways. They can tear down and create. They can give rise to both positive and negative feelings. Words can shape minds, be thought provoking and meaningful. I want to be sure that I use my words in a way that promotes healthy thoughts, positivity, and personal reflection.

I always have a plan when I write on my blog--but for the past couple of weeks I have been at a complete loss. I am on here typing with no plan whatsoever--stuck in bed with a low grade fever and quarantining myself from my two sons who are living it up on junk food and unlimited iPad time!

I have not taken the time to write, nor have I felt compelled to. This happens sometimes, when our life gets so bogged down with stress. The past few weeks have been really stressful for me: getting a preschool up and running, remote learning with my boys, and dealing with my ex taking the boys two nights a week. I have also been on the hunt for a full time job that has health benefits, so I have been squeezing in applications in my free time and helping out with the caretaking of my 97 year old grandmother. Sleep has eluded me and I have been only getting on average about 4 hours per night.

It is not surprising to me that I have a sore throat and stuffy nose and fever. My health is always the thing that gets compromised when I get this stressed out. I believe it is God's way of forcing me to take a time out and get some rest. The things that I have been falling behind on are my joys: my hiking and writing. With the time change and the recent crazy weather, hiking has been a bit more difficult to do, and with everything else writing has been put on the back burner. I have been so busy surviving that contemplation has not been at the top of my priority list and therefore, I have not written much.

One week, a strep throat diagnosis and a round of antibiotics later, here I am again. I spent most of this past weekend sleeping and was only just able to eat two days ago. You do not realize how much you appreciate your mouth until it hurts to swallow and speak and eat! Thanksgiving is now at the top of my mind, and I am busy cleaning the house, organizing to get ready to decorate for Christmas, and have gotten most of the preparations ready to cook up a storm!

Instead of wrapping this post up, I wanted to take a few minutes to share what this Thanksgiving means to me.

It has been over a year since my ex left me, it has been a year since my half brother moved in with me. I have been working at a new job for over a year--one that has enabled me to be with my boys during this painful transition, one that has brought me new friends and in a direction I never imagined I would go in. In spite of all that has gone wrong--in spite of all the pain I have been through and stress and anxiety with Covid-19, I can spend this Thanksgiving truly grateful. Thankful for my health, my amazing sons, my therapist, my close friends that have helped me get through, my job, my supportive brother and sister, and for my faith. I could not have gotten through all this without the Lord. He has brought people in my life, messages during the storms, hope throughout the bleak times. I have been brought lower this past year than I have ever thought possible, and am coming out stronger and more determined than I think I have ever been.

I am also very thankful to all of you--who have sent messages to me, who have read my posts and encouraged me! Writing has been an outlet for me and you have joined me on some truly random meanderings and for that, I am truly grateful! You did not have to spend your time with me and yet you chose to. Thank you, for being there on the other end of my posts. I wish you all well this Thanksgiving! Take time to list all the things you are thankful for--there are so many when you really think about it!